this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
