we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
