Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
