i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
