I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
