talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
