well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's great music for shaving your balls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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