oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
