i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
