two words: eviction party
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
