you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
