you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
