I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
