Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
