nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
