The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
