he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
