How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
