I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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