I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
