I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
