i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
