i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
