I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
