she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I will be naked everywhere
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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