Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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