is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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