i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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