dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
