; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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