my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
