I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
