saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
