Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My hand turned me down
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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