She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
