They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
