You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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