So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
