you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
