I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How does one acquire holy water?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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