tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
