Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
