You made me cry and you don't even care
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
