Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
