I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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