so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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