9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
