Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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