We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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