Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
