R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
